Payback
by Janna Silver Hawkins
Summary: Rose accidentally makes a mess in the console room while having breakfast and the Doctor gets angry. Pranks ensue. R&R please!
1. Pear Yoghurt

Hey look! I actually wrote a Doctor Who fic thats longer than one chapter! :)

I have no clue where the idea for this fic came from. Maybe from watching the deleted scene from Human Nature when the Doctor insists that he hates pears? :D

dedicated to my awesome friend Leaviel on deviantART :D

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**Chapter One: Pear Yoghurt**

It took the Doctor a few minutes of staring to realise what he was looking at. Rose was sprawled out on her stomach on the bench next to the console. Normally there wasn't anything odd about that, but today...

"Rose Tyler, what do you think you're doing?"

Rose stood up and glared at him. "Good morning to you too, Doctor. What have I done now?"

The Doctor stormed into the console room and pointed towards the metal grating underneath the bench. "You brought that...garbage in here and spilled it all over the floor! How am I going to get all of the wiring down below clean again?"

"Oi, it isn't garbage! I happen to like it! And it isn't like I spilled it on purpose, the TARDIS jerked and I accidentally dropped it. If you want to blame someone, blame her!"

He reached down and snatched the half-empty package of yoghurt from her hands, ignoring her furious protest, and dropped it into a trashcan that had conveniently appeared next to the bench. "No more food in the console room. If you want something, eat it in the kitchen. Understood, Rose?" he said while giving her his best 'Oncoming Storm' glare.

Unfortunately she seemed to be immune to it.

She favoured him with a filthy look and stalked out, slamming the door to her room so firmly the TARDIS' engines seemed to growl unpleasantly.

The Doctor sighed and tossed his jacket over the bench before climbing underneath the grating to try and clean up the mess beneath. Honestly, Rose had to be the messiest companion he'd ever had on board the TARDIS, not unlike Sarah Jane and Ace. Could it have something to do with being a teenage human female? None of the other women that had traveled with him had been very messy. Of course both Susan and Romana had been...no, best not to think of either of them now. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and got to work atomizing the numerous splatters of yoghurt.

~..~

By the time he was finally finished-who knew it could take so long just to clean up a bit of spilled yoghurt-the Doctor had decided that he might have been a bit harsh with Rose. After all there were much worse things she could have been eating in the console room. Terribly disgusting things such as pears or mushrooms. Although if she decided to eat a banana he of course wouldn't argue and demand that she take it elsewhere. In fact he might just join her, no matter how domestic it would probably be with both of them snacking and chatting away. After all, bananas were fantastic for your health, for both Time Lords and humans alike!

The Doctor shook his head sharply, suddenly breaking his train of thought. This really wasn't the best time to be thinking about bananas. In fact, why was he rambling on and on inside his own head? At this rate, his next regeneration would be a babbling fool who would talk and talk in order to get himself out of trouble! How horrible would that be? The Doctor: a Time Lord who talks more than the chattiest creature. He smirked and wandered off to look for Rose.

~..~

He eventually found her in the kitchen. It was understandable, considering that it was near lunchtime but what she was doing was definitely not.

She was sitting at the table, her back to the door, systematically sorting various packages of yoghurt into piles.

The Doctor silently slipped into the room and quickly picked a ripe banana from the bunch on a counter. He peeled it and quietly walked over to watch Rose's work from over her shoulder.

Eventually, she turned around to glare at him. "What are you doing in here?"

" I just finished cleaning up and thought I'd have a banana. What are you doing?"

She turned away again and resumed her work. "None of your business."

"My TARDIS," he reminded her with a grin, "whatever happens here is always my business."

"Well this isn't. So there."

The Doctor walked over and turned around one of the other chairs at the table and straddled it, facing her. He took a bite of his banana and watched as Rose placed a blueberry yoghurt package next to a pile of other fruit flavoured ones.

"So, whats with the cataloguing? Getting bored of just tossing them all into the cooler at once?"

Rose rolled her eyes but otherwise completely ignored him.

He tried again. "What sort of cataloguing system is this anyway? You have a banana flavoured yoghurt next to a pear one. What sort of disturbing system is that?"

She glanced up and frowned. "You don't like pears?"

He scowled. "I've had a bad experience."

"How can you have a bad experience with a pear?"

"Never mind. And you haven't answered my question yet. Whats with the cataloguing?"

Rose smiled slightly. "I'm going through and deciding which flavours I can get rid of."

"What for?"

"Oh, um, I'm going to give them to Mum the next time we see her."

The Doctor made a face. "That won't be for a long time."

"Oh come on, Doctor, just because she slapped you doesn't mean shes not still my mum. When do you think we can go see her?"

He shook his head. "Doesn't really matter to me. I'm planning to stay inside the TARDIS the whole time we're there."

"Chicken."

"Oi! I am not!"

"Are so. You're scared of my mum!"

"Well is it my fault she's scarier than rampaging hordes of Zygons?"

"Wait, you mean to tell me that you think my mum is scarier than aliens?" Rose asked, laughing.

The Doctor glared at her. "If you'd like I can keep us from going. We can go to Cimmeria or Kelowna instead. I hear that they're great in the winter. Nice and cold. We can take a hike on a glacier!"

"No, no lets go visit Mum and Mickey," Rose said quickly as she stood and began piling the containers of yoghurt back into the refrigerator.

The Doctor tossed the peel of his banana into the trash and rummaged in a drawer for a few moments before pulling out a cloth bag. "Here, you can put the yoghurts for your mum in there."

Rose hesitated before taking the bag. "Actually, Doctor, I decided not to give her any right now."

He shrugged. "Its up to you. Although you can get rid of the pear one."

"Oh don't worry, Doctor, I'm planning to."

He didn't trust that smile on her face.

~..~

A few days later, once they had finally left the Powell Estate for the safety of the time vortex, the Doctor discovered that Rose had indeed disposed of the pear yoghurt. In fact she had dumped it all out...onto his jacket while he was sleeping. He smiled. Silly Earth girl. This meant war.

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To Be Continued...on Friday :D


	2. Blue Jacket

Chapter Two..."The Doctor's Revenge On Rose For Dumping Pear Yoghurt On His Leather Jacket"

Okay, just kidding. Thats a bit long.

The next chapter might be a while since I've got Spring Break starting tomorrow and I'll have to fight off my little Slitheen siblings to get control of the computer with Internet at my house. I guess I'll have to finish writing it too! :D

Please enjoy!

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Reviewer Replies:

Danae: Thank you! Glad you're enjoying it...and hope you like this next one! *hugs*

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**Chapter Two: Blue Jacket**

"Doctor, have you seen my blue jacket? I thought I left it in my room last night but now I can't find it," Rose called as she walked into the console room. As she caught sight of what he was holding she stopped dead.

"You mean this thing, Rose?" he asked holding it up with what could only be called an evil grin.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, Rose, I believe that you Earthlings call it payback."

As Rose stared at him she suddenly noticed that he wasn't wearing his customary leather jacket. And then she remembered what she had done to it while he was asleep. She slowly walked towards him, holding out her hand for the jacket. "Okay, Doctor, I know you're upset about what happened to your precious jacket but can you please not do anything to this one?"

The Doctor shook his head and just as slowly walked backwards towards the TARDIS' doors. "As I believe you say, Rose, 'tit for tat'. You covered my jacket with pear yoghurt and I'm tossing your jacket out the doors into whatever is out there." He reached the doors and with one hand reached back to unlatch them.

As he jerked the door open and turned to throw the jacket out he was suddenly shoved by a furious human and ended up falling face first into a deep mud puddle. As he surfaced, spitting the slimy gunk from his mouth, he heard almost hysterical laughter coming from behind. He turned to see Rose giggling and pointing a camera at him.

"Well that certainly went well, Doctor. Smile! This ones going to Mum!"

He muttered darkly that they'd soon see what was going to her mum and made his way back to the TARDIS at the edge of the puddle. When he reached it he held his hand out to Rose. "You going to stand there laughing all day or are you gonna help me out?"

Rose smirked. "Oh no, I'm not falling for that old trick! You can get out by yourself"

"I promise not to pull you into this puddle, Rose," he said straight faced, while crossing two of his fingers behind his back.

She looked at him suspiciously for a moment before setting her camera safely to one side and reaching out her hand.

As soon as their hands touched, Rose somehow found herself underneath nearly a meter of slimy mud. She clawed her way to the surface and shook her now filthy hair out of her face before turning to glare at the Doctor.

"You promised!"

"Never trust someone whose hands you can't see," he said smugly.

Rose scowled and shoved her way through the gunk pull herself up into the TARDIS. "Well if you're not going to play fair, you can stay out here!"

His smirk vanished. "Now wait a minute, Rose, you can't do that. How are you planning to go anywhere?"

"I'm not. I'm going to go take a shower and put on some clean clothes. Then I'll come back to let you in. Have fun playing in the mud until then, Doctor."

She slammed the doors and walked slowly to her bathroom, ignoring the frantic hammering and angry shouts from outside. As she opened her bathroom's door she grinned. No matter how impressive they might be, no man should ever try to outsmart a woman. Especially a Tyler.

~..~

The Doctor glared at the blue, paneled doors in front of him and tried to put his key into the lock again. It wouldn't go.

"Just for this I'm not cleaning around your console for a month," he muttered to the door.

The only response he got was a slight increase in the irritated humming coming from inside.

He sighed and turned to lean against the side of his extremely uncooperative ship. He'd been out here for nearly two hours. How long could it actually take for her to finish her shower? It was starting to get dark and this planet was well known for its carnivorous nightlife. At least here with a mud puddle on one side and the TARDIS on another the creatures should have a difficult time getting to him. Except of course for the ones that swam. He didn't even have his sonic screwdriver right now to try and warn them away. It was still in his room, next to his yoghurt covered jacket. He turned and banged on the door again in case Rose was finally back in the console room.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Finally! How long does it take to take one simple shower, Rose? Now let me in. Nights starting to fall and there are a lot of nasty creatures here."

"You should have thought of that before you decided to land us here. I'm just wondering what setting on the washing machine I need to clean my clothes."

"Rose, I'm sorry I got you all dirty but please let me inside!"

After a long silence he heard Rose sigh. "On one condition, Doctor."

"What?"

"You have to promise to take me to the best shopping planet and let me get anything I want. You also have to carry my purchases and no complaining! Deal?"

The Doctor rested his head on the door and wondered which powers in the universe had decided that he needed this young woman to try and annoy him to regeneration. What had he ever done to deserve this?

"Doctor? Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, Rose" he muttered, kissing his freedom goodbye.

"You better not be crossing your fingers!"

"I'm not. I promise to take you shopping. Now can I please come back inside?"

He heard her unlocking the doors and as soon as she pulled them open he stalked through and headed towards his own room.

"Doctor? What about our deal?"

"Don't worry about our little deal. I fully intend to keep it. I just need to clean up first." And form a plan to get back at her once this horrible shopping trip was over, he added silently as he yanked open his bedroom door.


	3. Makeup

Chapter 3...with just a little hint of Nine/Rose :)

Not sure when the next chapter will be up. Probably Monday since thats the day I go back to school.

Enjoy!!!

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Reviewer Replies:

Danae: Read and find out! ;P

clarklit05: Thank you! Glad you're enjoying it so far! I enjoy making that Time Lord listen to what Rose has to say :)

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**Chapter Three: Makeup**

"Well that was fun, wasn't it?" Rose exclaimed as she set down the packages she was holding onto the grating in the console room.

"Oh yeah. Loads of bloody fantastic fun," the Doctor grumbled as he dropped the heavy load of purchases.

Rose smirked. "Remember our deal, Doctor? No complaining about the shopping!"

"You said no complaining while you were shopping. Nothing about afterwards."

"Oh fine. Now where are we off to next?"

The Doctor shrugged. "No idea yet. Probably nowhere until morning."

"What do you mean 'morning'? Thought you said there was no such thing in here!"

"Relatively speaking, Rose. I meant once you wake up again after you go to bed."

"Oh. Well I am pretty tired. Shopping can really take it out of me! Goodnight, Doctor."

" 'Night, Rose."

As soon as she had left the console room he allowed a evil smile to cross his face. Time for him to implement his master plan. This one had to work!

~..~

The Doctor crept down the dimly-lit hallway and stole into Rose's room. Working silently, he picked up each of the numerous makeup bottles on her dresser and set each inside a bag he had brought with him. Once they were all inside the bag he turned and was about to leave with his stash when-

"Doctor? What are you doing in my room?"

He turned slowly to face her and smiled. "You're dreaming. Why else would I be in here?"

"Oh. Right" she said with a sleepy nod and turned over under her covers.

The Doctor smirked. Humans were so easy to manipulate it was almost sad.

"Oh and Doctor? You forgot a few of those. They're in the top dresser drawer."

"Thank you, Rose" he said cheerfully as he gathered up the remaining bottles.

"One more thing" she said, turning back over to face him, "can I have a goodnight kiss?"

He blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because you're my dream and I want a kiss!"

"Fine, but then I have to go." He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly.

"Thank you, dream-Doctor."

"You're welcome, Rose" he replied as he quickly hurried out of her room.

~..~

"Doctor! Where's all my makeup?!"

The Doctor quickly hid his grin and turned to face the angry young woman who stomped into the kitchen. "What makes you think I have any idea where it is, Rose? Isn't it on your dresser where it usually is?"

Rose narrowed her eyes. "Because you were in my room last night and I saw you taking it. Now where is it?"

The Doctor sighed and pointed towards the doors. "Outside."

Rose ran toward the doors and pulled one open to see... "You tossed my makeup into the vortex?!"

He smirked. "Well it was either that or into an ocean somewhere and I decided that it was better to have it disintegrate in the vortex than pollute some planet's oceanic ecosystem."

She closed the door and turned slowly to face the Doctor.

He took an involuntary step backwards as he saw the look on her face. "Now, Rose, listen to me..."

"You threw out all my makeup! What am I supposed to do now?!"

"Rose, I..."

"Take me home right now! I need to go buy more!"

"Oh, Rose, you look perfectly fine without all that gunk on you!"

"I do not! Now take me home!"

"Fine," he muttered under his breath, moving to set the controls. "Just as fussy as Sarah Jane and Tegan. Should have known."

"What?"

"Nothing, Rose. Taking you home."

She glared at him suspiciously but said nothing.

~..~

"So now I suppose you're going to keep putting that junk on your face, no matter what?"

"That's right" Rose said with a grin as she set her large bag of purchases on the console bench.

"Even if I told you what they eventually find out is in that disgusting stuff you seem to love?"

"Yep! So don't even try telling me. I'll ignore you."

"Hah. Like to see you try!"

"I can easily do it. Not hard!"

"Well lets see it then! Prove that you can ignore me. Alright? Rose? Okay, Rose, that isn't funny you can stop now."

She smirked. "Told you so, didn't I?"

He shook his head. "You humans and your little games. No wonder you're always getting invaded. You never pay attention to whats going on around you. I don't know why I bother you're so ungrat-"

"You see me complaining, Doctor?" she asked sweetly as she placed her hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up. "Didn't think so. Now, can you please stop insulting my species?"

He scowled and stalked out of the console room.

Rose sighed. Apparently her brilliant handling of the 'jacket' incident hadn't gotten through that thick Time Lord skull yet. Time for another demonstration.


	4. Buckets & Pillows

Chapter Four. Containing pillows and buckets...and maybe a bit of Nine/Rose?

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Reviewer Replies:

rosemariontyler08: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it :)

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"Rose? Rose, would you please hurry up and come out?" the Doctor called as he stood impatiently outside a door that the TARDIS refused to open for him.

"What is it, Doctor? I'm sort of busy right now"

"Doing what? You've been in there for over fifteen minutes!"

"Doctor, its the loo. What do you think I'm doing in here?"

"For fifteen minutes? Either you come out soon or I'm coming in after you!"

"Go ahead and try! I dare you!"

The Doctor frowned. Something about how she had said that... "Rose Tyler, are you planning some kind of prank?"

There was silence on the other side of the door for a long while.

"How could you tell?" Rose eventually asked.

"Something about the way you said it. Now will you please come out?"

"Alright."

The Doctor heard the door unlock and Rose sheepishly came out, carrying a small bucket which still had a few drops of water inside it.

He grinned. "The bucket over the door trick, Rose? That has to be one of the oldest ones in the book!"

"Yeah I know. Hoped you wouldn't know it though seeing as how its an Earth trick."

"Actually it isn't. Most of the practical jokes you humans like to claim as your own inventions were in fact brought to Earth by a race of aliens whose sole purpose in life was to pull practical jokes. They were an interesting lot. Small, orange and they bounced everywhere, making honking noises wherever they landed."

"Oh. What were they called?"

"PJ's."

"PJ's? As in pyjamas?"

"No, it stood for Practical Jokers."

"Wait a minute, Doctor, I've heard something like this before. You're making these aliens up!"

"No actually I'm not. If you're referring to that American children's television programme that had an alien like the PJ's on it the creators got the idea from me."

"Really. You helped create a children's show?"

"Yeah. Not the only one either. Remember that one show, oh what was it called again...Poke-something? I created that show! I even wrote the theme song!"

Rose grinned. "You? Make a television show? Okay then prove it, Mr Impressive!"

~..~

"I don't believe it" Rose muttered as she stared at the television screen where a programme's ending credits were paused. There in plain view under show creator was 'The Doctor'.

"Told you so," the Doctor said smugly, folding his arms and settling back against the sofa. "Brilliant, thats me."

Rose grabbed the pillow next to her and hit him in the face with it.

"Oi! What was that for?"

"You're being too proud. I have to find some way to keep you from getting too big of a head."

"Oh is that so?"

Rose had time to squeak in surprise before a pillow landed directly on her head.

"Okay, Time Lord, thats it!"

She grabbed her pillow and began to repeatedly hit him with it.

The Doctor laughed. "Oh, you foolish little human! You asked for it!"

~..~

Much much later the two of them were sitting side by side on the sofa, covered in feathers and watching the TARDIS' machines clean up the mess they had made.

"You know, we should probably be helping clean up. We did make this mess"

"Nah the TARDIS doesn't mind. She likes to see us having a good time."

"Well I'd say I was having a good time. Especially since I won" Rose said with a smirk

"Excuse me? I believe I won that game!"

"Oh just admit it, Doctor. I beat you!"

"Did not"

"Did too"

"Oi, you did not!"

"Well you can keep saying it but it doesn't make it true! I know I won" Rose said with a yawn as she rested her head against the Doctor's shoulder.

He smiled. "You tired after I beat you?"

She punched him lightly on the arm. "No, after I beat you."

He put his arm around her to pull her closer. "Either way, you need to get some sleep."

"Mmkay" Rose muttered sleepily as she curled up closer to the Doctor.

"Rose, I meant in your own room."

"But I'm comfy right here! And besides you don't have anything really important to do anyway, do you?"

The Doctor sighed. "No, but I don't really want to be your pillow."

"Why not?"

"Rose, I...oh never mind." He pushed her away, ignoring her protests and took his jacket off.

"You need something to keep you warm" he said as way of explanation before settling it around her and pulling her close.

Rose closed her eyes after another huge yawn and moved closer to the Doctor. " 'Night, Doctor"

He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. " 'Night, Rose"

~..~

Later that night, Rose awoke to find herself held tightly by the Doctor and him snoring slightly. She smiled and snuggled further into his arms. Who would've ever guessed that she, Rose Tyler-human shop girl, would one day be in an alien's spaceship, having the time of her life and maybe even falling for said alien. Even if he didn't feel about her the same way.

"What makes you think I don't, Rose?"


End file.
